1. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?
Answer: Because they make up everything!

2. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
Answer: A carrot.

3. Why did the math book look sad?
Answer: It had too many problems.

4. What do you call fake spaghetti?
Answer: An impasta.

5. Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
Answer: Because then it would be a foot.

6. What has four wheels and flies?
Answer: A garbage truck.

7. Why was the broom late?
Answer: It swept in.

8. What did one wall say to the other wall?
Answer: “I’ll meet you at the corner.”

9. Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
Answer: In case he got a hole in one.

10. What kind of room has no doors or windows?
Answer: A mushroom.

11. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Answer: Because he was outstanding in his field.

12. What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Answer: Nacho cheese.

13. Why can’t a bicycle stand up by itself?
Answer: It’s two-tired.

14. What did the ocean say to the beach?
Answer: Nothing, it just waved.

15. Why did the computer go to therapy?
Answer: It had a hard drive.

16. Why did the coffee file a police report?
Answer: It got mugged.

17. Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
Answer: They don’t have the guts.

18. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.

19. Why did the tomato turn red?
Answer: Because it saw the salad dressing.

20. What’s brown, sticky, and funny?
Answer: A stick.

21. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
Answer: A palm tree.

22. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Answer: “Between you and me, something smells.”

23. Why did the picture go to jail?
Answer: It was framed.

24. Why did the belt go to jail?
Answer: For holding up a pair of pants.

25. What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Answer: A gummy bear.

26. Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Answer: They’d crack each other up.

27. What do you call a factory that makes good products?
Answer: A satisfactory.

28. What did one plate say to another?
Answer: “Dinner’s on me.”

29. What lights up a soccer stadium?
Answer: A soccer match.

30. Why was the math lecture so long?
Answer: The professor kept going off on a tangent.

31. Why did the golfer bring an extra shirt?
Answer: In case he got a hole in one.

32. What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
Answer: A can’t opener.

33. What kind of music do mummies listen to?
Answer: Wrap music.

34. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
Answer: Because it felt crummy.

35. Why did the banana go out with the prune?
Answer: Because it couldn’t find a date.

36. What do you call a snowman in summer?
Answer: A puddle.

37. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Answer: Finding half a worm.

38. Why did the bicycle fall over?
Answer: It was two-tired.

39. Why don’t oysters donate to charity?
Answer: Because they’re shellfish.

40. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Answer: “Hi, bud!”

41. What did the grape do when it got stepped on?
Answer: It let out a little wine.

42. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
Answer: A thesaurus.

43. Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
Answer: All the fans left.

44. What’s the best way to watch a fly fishing tournament?
Answer: Live stream.

45. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
Answer: “Supplies!”

46. Why was the math teacher suspicious of the graph paper?
Answer: It seemed a bit sketchy.

47. What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?
Answer: Sofishticated.

48. Why did the chicken join a band?
Answer: Because it had the drumsticks.

49. What happens to frogs who park illegally?
Answer: They get toad.

50. What do you call an alligator in a vest?
Answer: An investigator.

51. Why did the man put his money in the blender?
Answer: He wanted to make some liquid assets.

52. Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Answer: Because they lactose.

53. What did one hat say to the other?
Answer: “Stay here, I’m going on ahead.”

54. Why did the barber win the race?
Answer: He knew all the shortcuts.

55. Why did the man run around his bed?
Answer: He wanted to catch up on his sleep.

56. What did zero say to eight?
Answer: “Nice belt!”

57. Why was the math book always worried?
Answer: It had too many problems.

58. What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
Answer: Sneakers.

59. Why did the golfer bring a ladder?
Answer: To reach a higher score.

60. What did the janitor say when he finished cleaning the house?
Answer: “Dust another day.”

61. What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room in the house?
Answer: The living room.

62. Why did the banker switch careers?
Answer: He lost interest.

63. What kind of bird works at a construction site?
Answer: A crane.

64. Why did the musician bring a pencil to the concert?
Answer: To draw a crowd.

65. Why did the coffee taste like mud?
Answer: Because it was ground recently.

66. What did one toilet say to another?
Answer: “You look flushed.”

67. What did one elevator say to the other?
Answer: “I think I’m coming down with something.”

68. Why did the picture get arrested?
Answer: It was framed.

69. Why did the man put his watch in the blender?
Answer: He wanted to make time fly.

70. Why was the belt arrested?
Answer: For holding up a pair of pants.

71. What did the light bulb say to the switch?
Answer: “You turn me on.”

72. What did the blanket say to the bed?
Answer: “I’ve got you covered.”

73. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Answer: Ground beef.

74. Why was six afraid of seven?
Answer: Because seven eight nine!

75. What’s the easiest way to double your money?
Answer: Fold it in half.

76. Why did the tomato blush?
Answer: It saw the salad dressing.

77. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of socks?
Answer: In case he got a hole in one.

78. Why did the smartphone go to school?
Answer: To improve its “cell”-f.

79. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
Answer: Milk and quackers.

80. Why did the fisherman put peanut butter on his fishing line?
Answer: To catch a jellyfish.

81. What do you call a sleeping bull?
Answer: A bulldozer.

82. Why don’t elephants use computers?
Answer: They’re afraid of the mouse.

83. Why did the music teacher go to jail?
Answer: Because she got caught with too many sharp objects.

84. Why did the orange stop rolling down the hill?
Answer: It ran out of juice.

85. Why did the cookie cry?
Answer: Because his mom was a wafer too long.

86. What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
Answer: A porky-pine.

87. Why did the bicycle collapse?
Answer: It was two-tired.

88. What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Answer: “Bison.”

89. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Answer: Because they use honeycombs.

90. Why did the scarecrow keep getting promoted?
Answer: Because he was outstanding in his field.

91. What did one hat say to the other?
Answer: “Stay here, I’m going on ahead.”

92. Why did the computer sneeze?
Answer: It caught a virus.

93. Why was the calendar popular?
Answer: Because it had a lot of dates.

94. Why was the stadium so cool?
Answer: It was full of fans.

95. What did one snowman say to another?
Answer: “Do you smell carrots?”

96. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Answer: “Hey, bud!”

97. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Answer: It wasn’t peeling well.

98. Why was the belt sent to jail?
Answer: For holding up a pair of pants.

99. Why did the man bring a ladder to the bar?
Answer: He heard the drinks were on the house.

100. Why was the math teacher so happy?
Answer: She finally found her X.